My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
