Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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