we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
