Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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