Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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