I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
