I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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