Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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