it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
