I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
