I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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