Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
