I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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