i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
