you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
