I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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