Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize