he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
