I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
