As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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