You can't special order awesome
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
