I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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