Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
