there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
