i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
