Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
