Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
