guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
