thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
