i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
