i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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