So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
