Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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