she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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