My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
