Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
