I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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