I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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