He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
