wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
