he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
