Me too!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
