Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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