Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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