i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize
