sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
