Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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