Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
