Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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