listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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