oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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