Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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