Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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