I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you traded sex for a burrito?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
