hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
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Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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