Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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