Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
