Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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