She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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