I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
