he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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