What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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