i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
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Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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