I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm sobbing to NWA
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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