god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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