I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
