he wants to bone in the snuggie
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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