the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
