Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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