also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize