fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
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I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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