I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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