if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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