I can text with my tongue
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
